A dark day

Tiredness presses it's dirty hands against my face
leaving charcoal smudge bruises
under my eyes
Heavy lids fighting against the pressure
to stay open
Heavy spirit, fighting against depression
to be happy
weighted down by worries
I move as if underwater
the world is gloomy, opressive, lonely
I try to laugh but only sigh
I try to smile but only cry
Fatigue has drained me
with it's vampire kiss
leaving behind only a shadow of me
you can barely see
on this dark dark day

Hey hey hey what a beautiful day.

I Love this picture of My kitty Mika......it makes me smile.......I am so so so HAPPY today.....Not for any particular reason...I just feel great!

I just wanted to write a blog celebrating all the wonderful things that I don't usually take the time to mention:

I have the most wonderful kitties in the world, that bless me with their unconditional love and devotion. It is amazing what a positive influence they have on me. No matter how sad or down I am, when they greet me at the door it just makes me smile. They are so cute and furry and small and they are ALWAYS happy to see me....how can that not make me feel good?

It is a beautiful day today, it has been a wonderful hot summer.

I have a beautiful new car
I have the freedom that comes with the beautiful new car

My job is the best job I have ever had. I like what I do and I like where I work. My manager told me that he is very impressed with me and all that I have accomplished since I started here a year ago. He also told me that several customers I dealt with have called him just to tell them how pleased they were with the level of service I gave them.

I work on the same floor as my best friend and we can hang out and I can talk to her pretty much whenever I want

I am pretty healthy and in good shape for my age

I have a fabulous handsome boyfriend who makes me so happy. He is the most wonderful guy I have ever met.

I have friends in my life that seem to be there for me just when I need them

I know that I am truely loved by many people.

There is so much beauty in the world. So much to learn and see and do.....that makes me feel lucky that I have all my senses and can appreciate that.

I am happy with the way I have lived my life up to this point and have very few regrets

I don't know why but I feel more optomistic about the future than I have in a long time. I realised today how many wonderful possibilities the future holds for me.


****I invite all visitors to my site to add anything to this list that you want to celebrate or anything that makes you happy :-D

My Sister Helen

Isn't she lovely? She is a year and a half younger than me. She calls me "little". Her nickname is Jubie Bean Pea. She can be very fun when she wants to be and very mean when she wants to be. Nala is actually her cat. Helen loves Kalan Porter (aka Canadian Idol) ;-)

My Best Friend

My best friend's name is Laurie....

She went to New York for a week in the beginning of July and I missed her lots. I was a grumpy girl that week...I had no one to go on my breaks with. She is a total shopaholic so that was a good trip for her, even though she is feeling the burn in her wallet right now, I just bought the car though so I am feeling the burn in my wallet too ...she is back now and I wanted to post a picture of her from her trip.

Moment

In a moment
he is near
and my pain
is forgotten
His voice soothes
lulls
drains the poisen of the past
heals the infection
of others betrayals
He has a laugh
that lightens my heart
no matter how heavy
His touch is the panacea
that cures all my ills
He has earned my love
without bounds
I am thankful
just to know him

She walks

She walks on tiny feet
Her small form heavy
Too much pressure
She is too frail
She prays for strength
With every tentative step
So that her fragile spirit
May survive the blasts
That she sets off
As she walks gingerly on tiny feet
Through the minefield of her life

Nala

As the per the request from Wade I am posting baby pictures of the the most evil devil cat known to mankind. This is my Cat Nala when she was a kitten. She is SO bad. She fights with Luna and Mika (my 2 other sweet as can be gray tabbies), she opens my underwear drawer and scatters the underwear all over my floor, she hates to be petted or held, and she is just loud and destructive. I love cats but she is as bad as can be. She is deceptively adorable though with big golden eyes and her brown and gold patterned fur that make her look like a little tiger or a couger. Wade loves her though and he is always amused when I tell him stories of her badness.

Car shopping

I have just been through the most hellish experience of buying a car. I am very emotional about everything and buying a car is no exception. At Unionville motors I was lied to and decieved. I was put on an emotional rollercoaster as the first time I went in the salesman was so bad that I complained to the manager. Once I was dealing with the manager he gave me a fantastic deal on the car BUT he told me I would have it by Saturday. Turns out that they were not able to get me the car they promised me. There was no apologies on Monday when I went in...just an offhand "these things happen" and a reprimand that I should be more flexible about colour. I cancelled the deal and then Carston (the manager of the dealership) turned around and said that they COULD get me the car...they just had to make a few calls.

I hate being lied to more than anything and even if he can get me that car I won't deal with him anymore. People shouldn't make promises they can't keep. For me it is a matter of principle. This guy is the reason that the Sleazy car salesman myth is perpetuated.

I have decided that on Wednesday, I am going to get the liquid gray metallic 4 door SL Pontiac Sunfire from Roy Foss (the salesman is a great guy named Vince that will not compromise the truth to make a sale) and even though I will be paying a bit more I will be supporting someone with moral integrety and not being an accomplice to the degredation of the moral fabric of society.

Wish me luck

Time for a change

Well after years (and i am talking YEARS) of having long hair I decided to take the plunge and go short. *{I recently bought a car....although that is a LONG drawn out painful story wraught with grief and heartache....and I wanted to do something Nice for MYSELF to celebrate} ...sooooooooo Friday I went to the salon and chopped my hair off. Although the decision was completely mine....I have been considering this for months and months....the fact that my boyfriend Wadey has been suggesting incessantly over the past few weeks that I should cut my hair sort of clinched it for me.....so here it is.....still a shock whenever I look in the mirror....you can sort of see in the 1000 islands picture (where i look like an elf) how long it was....

anyways this entry is all disjointed and all over the place because I am super tired about the ongoing trauma of actually getting the new car I bought last week and the runaround I am getting from the dealer...

But at least my hair takes a 1/4 of the time it did before to fix....I think I am going to really be happy with it...all comments are welcome....I am really proud of this change and I just wanted to share it everyone....

romance

Here are some pictures I wanted to share from when Wade took me to the 1000 Islands for a surprise romantic dinner cruise and weekend getaway....awwwww

In my time

To me,
everything is you,
you are everywhere,
except with me

I see you
distinctly through memory's glasses,
but since you are blinded
by the harsh, cruel present
I've become just a blur to you

Part of the crowd
One with the mass

At some points,
your face, voice and touch seem real
and I know they belong with me
Yet these fleeting points
no longer exist
In my time

Abyss

The abyss
between light an dark
Far from perfection
or destruction
Absolute
Undefined
not an emotion
or shape
or place
A feeling
Wide
Vacant
Empty
Space filled nothing
Observed from the outside
Consuming
Erasing
All forms of hope
Sucking out everything
from within

Fire

What is fire?
It is the passion that ignites within
when he holds me
and his lips touch mine
While his fingers sear
a trail of desire on my skin
turning my doubts to ashes

Fire takes on
human shape
blazing brighter
than mortals of mere skin
Feeling his prescence
burning by me
fogging my mind
with his smokey voice
He singes my memory forever
with his searing touch
hot enough to melt
even my cold heart

Pheonix

Call out my name
in the silence of the moment
Standing in the center of dissention
Looking back to the beginning
where the rift grew
widening
Filled with the fire of apprehension
Throwing in everything we had
Waiting for the pheonix to appear
choking, sweltering
Searching for each others burning palms
Pain dancing through us
Swirling madness
digging its heels into sleeping emotions
Awakening them with each STOMP
hurt, blinded, lost
Wating for the pheonix
Standing in the center of dissention

Poem

He looks away, turns empty eyes
By tar and honey truth disguised
Oh so sweet he spews his lies
love does not enter to his kind

He sputters stalls and buys his time
to make it seem like all is fine
He makes me feel the fault is mine
rightous angry and divine

He thinks I cannot see the web
fraught with things he hasn't said
secrets guilty in his head
the sins he takes with him to bed

Like too late flowers on a grave
with false forced words he tries to save
to distract from the shame upon his face
to fix the mess that he has made

He thinks that he is fooling me
That he's played me masterfully
he thinks I am too blind to see
that he never has or will love me